I have a tiny obsession. Just a tiny one. Maybe not so tiny. I love Jimmy Fallon. Whenever I need a laugh, this is where I go. I could go on for a while about my love for the genius that is Jimmy Fallon, but I will spare you and just leave you with this treasure.
Can we just talk for a minute about the genius of Gilmore Girls? Probably once a year, I will watch the series from beginning to end and I never get tired of it. Sure, there are some episodes I like less than others (basically the first half of season 6) and some I like more than others (basically the entire third season — aka The Dave Rygalski season).
From the dialogue, to the music, to the quirky characters to the fashion, I was hooked from day one. But, despite all of those wonderful things, the thing I love the most about Gilmore Girls is that it is something that bonds me and my mom and my sister (and now my sister in law too). When the series was on its original run, I would watch it every week with Marni (and usually mom too). Whenever Marni and I want to watch something, but aren’t sure what, we always go for Gilmore Girls. Also, if you were to read our iMessage log, I’d say about 70% is filled with random quotes from the episodes we are watching that day.
If you haven’t watched the show yet, first how have you survived without it thus far? And second, get onto your Netflix account and start watching. You won’t regret it (and if you do, I’m not sure if we can be friends).
Today I have officially started my unemployment. I think it may take a while for it to sink in that I don’t have a job, as it just feels like a regular day of today.
Just over a month ago, I was informed at work that in the new year, I would have to change my availability (I was working 8-4, Monday to Friday — bascially unheard of in the retail world), and that I would not be guaranteed my forty hours a week. After that conversation, I knew a change had to be made. I was dead set against working evenings and weekends, which I know may make me sound spoiled, but I did that for about 9 years of my working life, and have really enjoyed the last year of Christopher and I having the same work schedule. Our first year of marriage, we were both in school and working and it was rare to spend more than two hours a day together. I have no desire to ever go back to that.
I had a few interviews at other jobs, but none of them worked out. I can now see that that was actually a blessing in disguise. A few weeks ago, Christopher and I were talking about my situation, about what I was going to do (because I wanted to quit my job before Christmas). We talked about my frustration with my job, the frustration of not finding something. Then I just had thought, why don’t I go back to school in January? The more we talked about it, the more it made sense. In April of 2013, I decided to take some time off from school for numerous reasons, and was unsure of whether or not I wanted to go back. But for about six months now, I have had this nagging feeling that I needed to finish my degree. Regardless of my future career, I need to finish what I started seven years ago when I started my bachelor of arts.
I am really looking forward to being able to focus on my education for a while. I have always loved school, but anxiety, work and other distractions took the enjoyment out of my last two years.
I feel so blessed to have such a supportive husband who just wants me to be happy. We are incredibly lucky that we are able to live off of Christopher’s income right now (though it means I have to cut down my trips to Sephora down quite a bit). And bonus, for the next month I get to live out my dream of being a stay-at-home wife.
Sometimes I hear voices. Yes. Voices. My voices, in my head, telling me stories. I think it’s akin to composers hearing music. Sometimes these moments come out of the blue, sometimes because of a smell, a sight, a feeling. Tonight it comes because of another writer (though I do not think of myself as a writer, being anywhere near this writer’s level), Stuart McLean.
Tonight, as I was listening to The Vinyl Cafe podcast, I was inspired by one short sentence: “There is abundance in scarcity”. Then, while trying to find future Vinyl Cafe concerts, I came across the motto, which hangs in Dave’s record store, “We may not be big, but we’re small.” Then came the voices, and I just had to write. If I don’t, the inspiration leaves and who knows when it will come again.
“We may not be big, but we’re small”. I needed that tonight. I often daydream about our future home with it’s multiple floors, extra bedrooms, double vanities and dedicated library. I think about one day when we have all of our kids running around and I get to fulfill my lifelong dream of being a soccer mom who makes cupcakes and casseroles every day. While I know that those days will come, I tend to get lost in the one days and forget about the today.
Today, we’re not big. We live in our cozy basement (which, yes is an upgrade from our first home), with one bedroom, and one bathroom with one sink. Our “library” also contains a lot of storage, and Christopher’s office. But, we’re small. We can talk to each other when we’re in different rooms (though I apparently have a very quiet voice that doesn’t carry well. We may not have everything we have ever wanted, but we have an abundance of blessings, one of the biggest being our love. I like to think that when we have that big house with all those kids, and soccer balls, and cupcakes, I’ll miss the “small” and “scarce” days. I might miss not having to go up or down stairs to do the laundry, or use the washroom, or get a cookie from the kitchen. I might miss only having one storage room, or one closet (not sure about that one, actually). So, today, I will be grateful for the small. I will look for the abundance in our scarcity. And I will remind myself that I am living today, not someday.
Today, my parents celebrate their thirty-second anniversary. In the twenty-plus years that I have been observing their marriage, I have learned a lot.
1. It’s okay to be different.
My mom and dad have things in common, but they don’t share all of their interests. From their example, I learned that it’s important to have separate interests, because it is those differences that can make your marriage stronger.
2. You are a team.
Whenever a decision was to made, they made it together. They live their lives together. They do stuff together. And in those decisions and events in their life, they support each other.
3. Make sure your children know you love each other.
When I was younger (and still today, actually), my dad liked to tease us by kissing mom in front of us. We thought it was gross. But, looking back I think of how lucky I was to grow up with parents who loved each other and showed that love. Because of that example, I had high expectations of what my marriage would look like.
4. Put the Lord first.
In the thirty two years that my parents have been through a lot. And from my experience, in all of that, they put the Lord first, and they have been blessed.
Happy anniversary, mom and dad. There is no way I would be the wife I am today, or the wife I am working toward becoming, without your amazing example.
Remember at the beginning of Saturday’s Warrior, when Pam can dance, then she comes to earth and because she is in a wheelchair, she can’t dance, but she knows that one day she will? That’s how I feel tonight. Every time that I watch So You Think You Can Dance, I am often left breathless, sometimes in tears, and always wishing I could do what they do. But my body can’t do that. But, then I had a thought. My spirit can dance. I feel it.
Tonight, I went for a run. Actually it was more like a jog for thirty seconds, gasp for breath while trying to walk fast for the next five minutes. Maybe not quite that bad. But close.
I really do love to run. Last year, I was running quite a bit in the spring, a bit in the summer, and mostly stopped in the fall. Trying to schedule time, snow, and overall laziness stopped me from doing much for the last eight months. But, knowing that my body needed it, I decided just to do it(I also might have been procrastinating a bit, since I have a talk to finish for tomorrow in church).
Even though the short jog was not great, I did have some time to reflect on my life, and gain some insight.
Sometimes, life is hard. Like really hard. Things happen, like turning the corner and realizing the further you go that you accidentally turned down a street with a steep hill. But when these things happen, you just have to keep going. You keep going, but you don’t have to run your hardest. You can walk as slow as you need to. Because sometimes just getting through that moment is what matters, not how.
And once again, I was reminded that I need to stop comparing myself to others. I am a really slow runner, I need to be okay with that, even if my fastest sprint is slower than Usain Bolt’s slowest walk.